Cockpit to crew!
After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe
sheet, which informs the mechanics of problems encountered with the aircraft
during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read the sheet
and then go about to correct the problem, and finally respond in writing on the
lower half of the form -- reporting the remedial action that was taken. The
pilot then reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a
sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems
as submitted by Qantas pilots, along with the solution recorded by the
maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the
mechanics.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs to be
replaced.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very
rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Sorry; cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing
gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to
stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief
search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
