Prov and speech
Words can wound like the piercing of a sword, a tale-bearer is
often a messenger of destruction, and by "harping on a matter" the best of
friends can be separated. Whispered scandals are dainty morsels that go down
sweetly to the appetite, but in such words there is often sin. Life and death
are in the power of the tongue, therefore we must put away from us perverse lips
and make our words as a well of life. A soft answer turns away wrath and
overcomes that which seems as hard and unyielding as bone. The man who guards
the door of his lips and often remains silent when the impulse is strong to
speak, saves himself from many troubles.
We must debate our cause with the one concerned and not
disclose it to another, for such indirect speech is shameful and infamous. Words
can wound and words can pierce and words can be sinful, but words can be as a
tree of life. How good is a word fitly spoken!
In the above passage we have simply presented some of the
wisdom of Solomon in modern language. It makes a brief but extraordinarily full
exhortation. If we pay heed to the instruction it may save us from many
mistakes. Sometimes men become so disgusted with futile talking that they fall
into the error of despising words. "What is the use of mere words?" they say.
"We want action, not speech."
Truly there is a time to act rather than to speak, but of what
value will action be unless it has first been instructed by words? Human thought
cannot proceed far without speech. Beyond the very limited animal plane of
feeling and observation, we need words not only to express our thoughts to
others but to make them definite and coherent even to ourselves. We may not put
our inmost thoughts into finished language as in giving an address to others,
but words play an enormous part in shaping the most private of thoughts even
when we make no attempt to form orderly sentences.
Words are needed to tell us of the will and purpose of God,
and words are equally necessary to inform us of the discoveries and the opinions
of men.
The mind of man consists of will, thought, and feeling, and
these three things are expressed by words. An honest man always states that
which is in his mind, but he is under no obligation to state it all. "A fool
speaketh all his mind", heedless of what the effect may be. A knave sometimes
uses words that do not express himself; he is only intent on impressing the
minds of others. A just and wise man speaks as he thinks and feels, but guards
the door of his mouth so as not to express too much. He may think that one to
whom he speaks is foolish, but it is not wise to say so. He may know that some
of his hearers are knaves, but it is perfectly honest to treat them as honest
men. He can only have two motives in speaking, to express himself and to
influence other people. Usually the second object is much the more important, so
self-expression must be controlled lest it should interfere with the real object
of speech.
In thus "guarding the door", the control of feeling is quite
as important as the control of thought. Feelings are often strong and they
reveal themselves in the tone of voice as well as in the form of words. Anger,
indignation, scorn, fear, hatred, amusement, contempt, all are expressed so
readily both in tone and word that many people reveal such feelings instantly
even if they are unable to express any coherent ideas. The kindlier feelings of
love, admiration, gratitude and appreciation are not quite so obtrusive, and if
it is desired they can be concealed more readily.
In this matter of guarding the door of the mouth feeling
causes the greatest difficulty. A man may discipline himself so as to be
circumspect in the use of words. He may go further and avoid any ebullition of
impotent rage. Anger unrestrained so often makes itself ridiculous that a
capable man determines to keep cool. Yet feeling may clearly reveal itself even
then. It is possible to maintain an icy coldness with far more bitterness than
ever lived in the warm expressions of wrath. Indeed, when we read the passage,
"There is that speaketh like the piercing of a sword", we do not think of an
obviously angry man expressing his indignation with a warm energy that will soon
exhaust itself. We think rather of an icy bitterness, hard and cruel as steel, a
concentrated and frozen anger expressed in speech which has not the excuse of
being hasty but which wounds like the piercing of a sword. Such speech is the
expression of an evil feeling which has been polished instead of being
suppressed. There are people who in this matter of words repeat the vulgar error
often revealed in human relationships. Anything may pass as long as it is well
dressed.
A Christian should not allow evil feelings to prevail for a
moment. Bitterness ought not to be in the mind, and if through faulty thinking
it is there, it certainly should not be expressed. Bitterness expressed
engenders the same evil in others. Like all vile things it is far easier to
cause than to cure. It does not exhaust itself as does the burst of honest
anger. It may even thrive on its own activity and become worse as it expresses
itself and provokes ill feeling in others. Moreover, the soft answer is not
quite so effective against this cold poison as it is against open anger. A
Christian has a hard task when in addition to the suppression of his own natural
resentment he has to win the sympathy of one who is coldly and cruelly
antagonistic, all the while trying to wound and provoke by the use of polished
words.
We can bring ourselves into line if we frequently raise the
question what is our aim in speaking? Speech may be with the object of giving
instruction, or putting questions to receive instruction, or it may be in the
ordinary amenities of social life. We can think of nothing else unless it is
mere self-expression, a talk for the love of talking. Where is there room for
any ill-feeling to be expressed in any of these opportunities for speech? In the
ordinary amenities of life there is surely every reason for good feelings which
may be revealed freely with only good effects. If anyone is so unfortunate as to
find ill-feeling at home, then a desperate effort should be made to avoid any
aggravation of it. Words provocative of anger are always out of place in the
home, but they are especially to be deprecated when such provocation has already
begun. If a little fire started in a dry corner of the house, no man would be
fool enough to throw petrol on it. It is strange that men should often be so
ready to feed that more terrible flame, which, as the apostle James says, is set
on fire of hell. Homes have been wrecked and lives made sad by the folly of
hasty and ill-tempered speech. It is perfectly true, as the wise man says, that
there is more hope for a fool than for a man who is hasty in his words (Pro
29:20).
Where then would words expressive of bitter feeling be
appropriate? Certainly not in asking questions to receive instruction and
equally certainly not when trying to instruct. There is need for a word of
warning here. It is when we are trying to impress our opinions on others that
controversy is engendered and controversy often provokes bitter speech.
Opponents are so foolish and unreasonable! Opposition is trying to the temper,
especially if we do not quite see how to answer an opponent's argument while
still, of course, being quite convinced that he is in the wrong. It is a great
mistake, however, to reveal any trace of bitterness in either word or tone. If
there is any cogency in the criticism to which we are subjected, it is good for
us to be instructed by it, and we ought to be grateful for the help. There may
be a measure of truth in an opponent's contention even though his general
conclusions are wrong. We must recognize that measure of truth, and then our
position will be strengthened and polished as the result of hostile criticism.
If our opponent's argument is mere sophistry, there is great need for us to keep
calm in order that we may think clearly. There is need for gentle and
circumspect speech in order that those in error may be rightly
influenced.
It is strange that so few learn the lesson of moderation and
sweet reasonableness in speech, for all know that they themselves are not
influenced by truculent declamation. Over-emphasis defeats its object. We laugh
at the letter in which nearly every sentence is underlined or at the speaker who
thumps the desk and by exaggerated rhetoric seeks to give weight to his
argument. At the best he only excites a good-humoured contempt. The man who is
coldly and cleverly sarcastic arouses a very different feeling, but while he may
seem to triumph in the hour of discussion, no good result comes from his
cleverness.
The fact is that most men judge the value of an argument from
the wrong side. They appraise the efforts of their spokesman by their own
reactions instead of trying to determine what the effect will be in the opposite
camp. It may be pleasant to hear vigorous and emphatic declamation in the
presentation of ideas that we hold. It may be even pleasanter to hear biting
sarcasm at the expense of those who hold doctrines that we repudiate. On the
other hand, it may seem disappointing to hear our cherished beliefs presented in
mild and temperate language, or to hear a perfectly fair and sympathetic review
of that which we detest. If, however, we desire to persuade men and to turn them
from darkness to light, the exercise of a little imagination ought to teach us
that the declamation and the sarcasm are worse than useless, while the
sympathetic understanding will pave the way for conversion and the mildly stated
argument will linger in the memory and be a moving force long after the dust of
controversy has cleared away. It is the soft answer that breaketh the
bone.
There is much need for the words of wisdom regarding slander
and tale bearing. A personal tit-bit of private information goes down so
"sweetly" that one may become a party to slanderous conversation before there is
a proper realization of its trend. It is to be feared that there are moralists
who while studiously refraining from slanderous talk themselves, think it quite
legitimate to draw out the resources of one less scrupulous. This can be done
quite skillfully even under the guise of a gentle reproof. A mild defence of an
absentee may be presented in such a manner as to bring out all that can be said
against him. The suggestion of possible defence for his conduct may call forth
further information as to his perfidy and proof that he really had no
defence.
Such talk is evil even if the allegations are true, but it is
far worse when they are untrue. And it is possible for a statement to be true in
point of fact but completely false in its implications. There may be an
undisclosed fact behind that which is observed, changing the entire meaning of
the matter. Charles Lamb tells of a boy at the Blue Coat School who by his
strange aloofness and furtive movements aroused the suspicions of his comrades.
When they found that he was in the habit of collecting scraps of discarded food
and taking them somewhere away from the school, they concluded that he engaged
in weird rites and that there was something wrong with his mentality. Finally
they tracked him and discovered that the boy's parents were starving in a garret
near to the school and he was keeping them alive with the despised crusts of
bread.
Coming nearer home we can remember a sister who excited
criticism because of her extravagant clothing. In slanderous conversation her
husband was pitied for having such an extravagant wife. It was perfectly true
that she wore dresses of far more expensive quality than she could properly
afford to buy. It was also true that the dresses came from a wealthy relation
who cared nothing for the Truth but was pleased to pass on her dresses to a
poorer sister long before they showed signs of wear. The hard working husband
was not conscious of needing any pity in the matter!
It is possible even for an outstanding act of Christian
charity to be so disguised by the suppression of facts that it is presented as
an act of cruelty and criticised accordingly. A man who at the risk of his life
jumps into a river to save another from drowning may have to use some force and
even apparent violence to save the struggling man. We can hardly imagine that
even a prince of slanderers would describe the violence and suppress everything
else, but that is just what many self-righteous critics would do in the more
complex matters of human life. Save a man from drowning in the commercial river
and if you have to use any force to stop his dangerous struggling, that use of
force is apt to be the one matter observed and reported.
Oh, the tongue, that little member so potent for good or evil!
Words of life are expressed by it, yet death is equally within its power. The
"word fitly spoken" is compared to the most beautiful sight in Nature, while the
ill word of bitterness can only be likened to the hell-born spark which starts a
raging fire. Let us "guard the door of our lips" lest a hasty and unwise
expression should pass or even the tone of voice should be provocative of ill.
"If any man speak, let him speak as the Oracles of God."
(PrPr)
