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The Agora
Pictures Of Redemption

Marriage -- natural and spiritual

Literal marriage and family life are one means by which God conveys the spiritual truths of our relationship with HIm, through Christ.

The literal is the pattern of the spiritual. But the spiritual comes first!

We may tend to think, because a good marriage and a loving family life are so wonderful, that THAT is the reason God selected marriage as a pattern of our union with Him.

But that is backwards! First, God decided to become a Father in a Divine "family" -- and to join us together with Christ is a spiritual bond of perfection. THEN, God set His children upon the course of marriage and a family life. This was not as an end in itself, and not to cause them to be selfish and self-centered; but instead it was to teach them, by a very pale reflection, what membership in God's family and "marriage" with Christ will really mean.

Natural marriage is (or rather, can be... or might be!) a wonderful thing, but no one (especially young single brothers or sisters) should ever be misled into thinking that it is the most important requirement for a full, happy life.

Instead, its importance is by far secondary to the life that a believer may have now with God through Christ, and even more secondary to the promised inheritance of immortality!

We may think that, if we do not marry and have a family before Christ comes, that we will miss out forever on something that is terribly important. But this is putting our priorities in the wrong place. Compared to anything and everything we may experience in this life, the life to come, shared with Christ, will be vastly superior:

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; NO GOOD THING DOES HE WITHHOLD from those whose walk is blameless" (Psa 84:11).

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, WE SHALL BE LIKE HIM, for we shall see him as he is" (1Jo 3:1,2).

Even if we never enjoy a loving and intimate marital relationship, or even if we never have children of our own... nevertheless, in the age to come we will receive far more than we ever lose now!

If we really believe God's promises, then we will "seek first the kingdom" and trust in Him to provide all we need in this life, whether it be a mate or a family or health or financial security.

But if we are not sure that God's promises are true, then we will seek FIRST to take care of our immediate natural desires -- marriage, comfort, security, leisure -- and only then, maybe and as an afterthought, the Kingdom of God!

Which is simply not good enough.

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Marriage is a pattern of our relationship with Christ. There are several Scriptural comparisons of this relationship with Christ: ie,

1.	The shepherd and his sheep: John 10; Psa 23. A close relationship in the Middle East, but one of a superior guardian over quite inferior beings.
2.	The vine and its branches; John 15. This is exemplified by extreme closeness of union, but there is no choice involved in such a union, and no love.
3.	The head and the body: 1Co 12. In this figure, all were parts of the same unit and the same life -- and so the unity is extremely close; but again, there was never any choice involved, since they were never separated.

And, finally,

4.	The husband and the wife: Eph 5. "A great mystery, concerning Christ and the church." Once two separate creatures, going in separate directions, with different motives and purposes, but now joined together as "one flesh", loving one another, sharing as equals in all joys and responsibilities.

Here is the greatest and most beautiful Scriptural pattern:

"The LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.' Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called "woman", for she was taken out of man.' For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Gen 2:18-24).

*****

The customs of marriage in the ancient Near East are also a pattern for us:

Betrothal, or engagement

"I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised [or betrothed: AV] you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him" (2Co 11:2).

This describes the time when we learn the Truth and are baptized. In Bible times, betrothal was a public profession and a contract, made before witnesses. As such, it was much more serious, and more binding, than what we think of as a modern engagement. Legally, a betrothal could not be broken: the man and woman were thereafter "married" in the eyes of the Jews. (If the man died before they ever lived together, the woman would be his "widow", with property rights.) And unfaithfulness by the betrothed woman was treated as "adultery", just as though they were already married (Deu 22:23-27)! [This is why Mary's plight was so deadly serious: if Joseph had not "forgiven" her, she could have been stoned!]

The lesson for us is plain: we are ALREADY the "bride" of Christ, even though we have not yet come to the "marriage". If we are "unfaithful" after baptism, we deserve to die: "You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God?" (Jam 4:4).

The wedding garments

The bride's wedding garments, then as now, were very important. But then, they were important particularly for their spiritual significance, which is spelled out in some detail in Scripture:

The fine linen was a symbol of righteousness and purity: "Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear -- fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints" (Rev 19:8).
The intricate needlework was a symbol of careful labor and preparation: "Her gown is interwoven with gold" (Psa 45:13,14).
A girdle, or sash, with ornaments -- to be bound around the gown (Isa 49:18), showed the wealth of her dowry and allowed for freedom of movement.
Her jewels (Isa 61:10) were figurative of knowledge: "Gold there is, and rubies in abundance, but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel" (Pro 20:15).

This all speaks of our "adorning", that is, not that which is outward only, but especially that which is inward, in the heart and the mind: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" (1Pe 3:3,4).

The order of the ritual

In Bible times, the order of the ritual of marriage was extremely important. Bits and pieces of this traditional order are observable in the parables of Jesus. Putting them all together...

First, the bridegroom comes to the home of the bride. The bride's maids, or virgins, await his coming, their lamps burning to light the way (Mat 25:1-13). (This is Christ returning from heaven, while his faithful ones prayerfully await his coming.)
The bridegroom is accompanied by his friends. (In the working out of the pattern, this would be his angels.)
Taking his bride, he leads the wedding company from her home to his home (Jerusalem!).
Other friends join the procession along the way, to attend the wedding dinner (cp Mat 22:1-14). (This could represent favored peoples, the Jews especially, who join themselves to their Messiah after he returns.)
The marriage feast is celebrated at the home of the bridegroom. (Here is the marriage supper of the Lamb, at Jerusalem: see Rev 19 and 21.)
Still more guests may simply come to his home. (The gospel message is preached to the world as the kingdom begins, and during the Millennium the mortal nations begin to make their treks to the city of the great king: Rev 14; Zec 14.)

The whole of the literal marriage "event" might last for some days, even a week or two. It may be seen, then, as a divinely-arranged pattern or prophecy of the return of Christ, the gathering together of his chosen ones, the judgment, and the establishment of God's Kingdom on the earth.

*****

In a blending of Old Testament and the New, the "marriage of the Lamb" may be seen as God's true marriage with His people Israel (the spiritual Israel). Here is the real reason for such language as "to know God" (where, in Bible terms, "to know" one's spouse may mean to have intimate relations with him or her) and "to be one with God" (where Adam and Eve were told to become "one flesh").

Such terms for the spiritual union of God and His children, through Jesus' work, are no accident; they are intended to be reminiscent of marriage. Just as there is joy to be found, naturally speaking, in human marriage... so also (and so much more so!) will there be spiritual joy in the joining together of Christ and his "bride", physically, mentally, and emotionally, at his return.

Natural marriage is intended by God to be a "parable" or "replica" of HIS coming "marriage"! Is this encouraging, or frightening? Or both?

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless" (Eph 5:25-27).

The holy and perfect "church" or "ecclesia" of God is made up of very imperfect men and women, who have been "cleansed" and "purified" by their faith in the sacrifice of God's Son and the forgiveness of sins which is the result. They cannot make themselves "perfect" by their own efforts -- that is impossible. Yet they know where to go to find the cleansing they need! And so, in the words of the apostle Paul, Jesus Christ will present the bride TO HIMSELF -- because it is through his efforts that she has been enabled to stand radiant and without blemish before him, in the sight of his Father!

There is nothing so profound, in all the Bible, as this picture. And nothing so full of hope, for all of us who recognize our sins: we come to the One who is sinless, and who loves us as his own flesh and blood, and who washes us in that blood, and makes us pure and lovely again.

What are the implications of this picture for the natural marriage? That forgiveness and self-sacrifice, on the part of BOTH husband and wife, are the keys to marriage. What we hope for, from Christ, is what we should give to each other in marriage.

One may ask, "But what about this 'submission'?" ("Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord": Eph 5:22.)

Let it be said that no man has the "right" to demand submission from his wife, unless or until he has shown perfect self-sacrificing love toward her. No man has the "right" to "lay down the law" to his wife unless he has carefully consulted her on her needs and concerns, and unless he can be absolutely sure that what he asks is only in her best interests, and in no sense to satisfy himself.

But in general, it must also be said that a true spiritual marriage is one in which the wife is ever conscious of her role in submitting to the headship of her husband. This she does, not because he deserves it, but because he stands in the place of Christ (as the head of the body).

*****

In Rev 3:15,16, Jesus speaks to the early ecclesia at Laodicea:

"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm -- neither hot nor cold -- I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

In everything, including marriage, it is easy to forget that we should be guided by spiritual principles. We are always living in the "half light" -- between the natural and the spiritual... in a world that looks downward and all around, while we know that we should be looking... UPWARD!

That's why we have to keep trying. That's why we can't let ourselves be discouraged by failure.

That's why Christ died for us... so that we could be forgiven, and so that we could try again and again, to live up to his standard.

And so that we all, men and women alike, can become, truly and eternally, His glorious bride!

*****

"My lover spoke and said to me, 'Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me' " (Song 2:10).

We are carried, in our visions, far away... to a wonderful city, to a beautiful garden, resplendent with lovely plants. In its cool shades, by a quiet stream, a handsome man -- forever young -- rests with his bride.

She speaks to him: "What did you ever see in me? I was so rough -- a vessel coarse, unhewn... but you did not despise me."

And he replies: "I saw you as you are now, MY finished work. I fashioned you so that you might share my joy and honor in the service of our Father."

Again, she speaks: "Oh, how I loved to contemplate that theme, that we should be one, to serve one Father. But when I tried to reach that ideal, following your example, I trembled in fear, I tripped, I fell. The high rocks terrified me. I shivered in the damp, cold shadows, and then again grew faint in the sudden heat. And O, the sharp stones, and the thorns along the way, what pain they gave me, what bleeding feet!"

His voice again, strong and sure: "I watched your every step. No danger of the journey befell you, but that I gave my angels charge, lest you should slip. By night, by day, they encircled you... your life was mine. I grieved for all your pain and agony, for I had suffered too. And knowing in myself that trial is the wellspring of eternal joy, I did the only thing I could... I helped you through... Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh..."