Why rednecks make good soldiers
Dear Ma and Pa,
Am well. Hope you are. Tell brother Walt and brother Elmer the
US ARMY beats working for old man Mullins by a mile. Tell them to join up quick
before maybe all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till
nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt & Elmer all
you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to
slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, they get warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc...
but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, grits, greens and fatback,
okra, pie, and other regular food. But tell Walt & Elmer you can always sit
between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till
noon, when you get fed again.
It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on
"route marches", which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If
he thinks so, it ain't my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about
as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all
ride back in trucks.
The country is nice, but awful flat. The sergeant is like a
school teacher. He nags some. The captain Is like the school board. Majors &
colonels just ride around & frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt & Elmer with laughing. I keep
getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a
chipmunk and don't move. And it ain't shooting back at you, like the Higgins
boys at home. All you got to do is lay there all comfortable and hit it. You
don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Be sure to tell Walt & Elmer to hurry and join before
other fellers get into this setup & come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,