English is a funny language
We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say
sister we never say sistren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine
the feminine, she, shis and shim.
Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking
English:
- The bandage was wound around the wound.
- The farm was used to produce
produce.
- The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
- We must
polish the Polish furniture.
- He could lead if he would get the lead
out.
- The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
- Since
there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the
present.
- At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass
drum.
- When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
- I did not object to
the object.
- The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
- There was a row
among the oarsmen about how to row.
- He was too close to the door to close
it.
- The buck does funny things when the does are present.
- A seamstress
and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
- To help with planting, the farmer
taught his sow to sow.
- The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
- After a
number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
- Upon seeing the tear in
the painting I shed a tear.
- I had to subject the subject to a series of
tests.
- How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
- I spent last
evening evening out a pile of dirt.
Weird pronunciations can mess up your mind!
For example... If you have a rough cough, climbing can be
tough when going through the bough on a tree! Let's face it -- English is a
funny language.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig
is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but grocers don't groce and
hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one
amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them
what do you call it?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do people ship by truck and send cargo by
ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a
wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
If Dad is Pop, how come Mom isn't Mop? Or could Mom be Mad?
